My brother and I shared the same bedroom until he was sixteen. He hated onions, so I felt obliged to hate onions too, even though I really liked them. I became his shadow and I liked what he liked, disliked what he disliked, and acted like he acted. He was a happy-go-lucky kind of a guy who did not appear to be perplexed by the stuff I struggled with. Thankfully, I had an older brother, three years my senior.
I was insecure and confused as hell, all while wanting and needing to fit in and be "normal." I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole every time I had P.E. Teenage years were hell, especially entering junior high where changing in a locker room and taking group showers was part of P.E. These unutterable and therefore unanswered questions piled up inside and my conclusion and resulting tactic was to keep my mouth shut.
Like I said, I didn't have the language for it. The few times I tried getting answers, I failed at asking the questions. So where did this disconnection come from and what did it mean? By the time I understood what some of the anatomical differences were, I was already estranged from my body. I was probably ten years old before I ever saw an image in a textbook of what a girl's body looked like. This feeling that something was not right was not based on me having seen a girl's body and deciding I had extra parts. I surmise I could not have been more that three years old at the time. I distinctly remember sitting in the bathtub in three inches of water and carefully laying a washcloth over my genitals to hide them from my eyes as I played with my bath toys. I did not like to see my private parts and avoided looking down when I was naked. From my earliest memory, I felt something was amiss. This sense of disconnection at times bordered on revulsion on one hand, and sadness on the other.
You could say the same thing about my coming to terms with my sexuality: I didn't have the language for it.Įver since I can remember, I experienced a disconnection with my body. I did not know a stitch of English when we immigrated to the United States, and I had to learn a whole new language. This serves as a good parallel to my journey as a trans person. You already know that I was born in Colombia, grew up in California and now live in Canada. I am combining your questions because the answers are related. As we have shared and compared our journeys, one can only conclude that one size does not fit all.įrom Elizabeth: Can you tell us a little bit more about your whole story and especially how your wife and kids reacted? What is your relationship with them today? And f rom Rachel: Since you do not simply identify as a transgender person, but also as a Christian, I am wondering if you could share a bit of how you first came to faith in Christ, what you believe your calling is, and how you daily live it out. To pretend to speak on behalf of all trans persons would be presumptuous. Having said that, some of my answers will be infused with anecdotal insights gleaned from the many conversations I have had with other trans persons in recent years. I should also point out that I am not an expert on this very complicated and emotionally- charged topic from either a medical or theological perspective the only thing I can claim to be an expert on is my life. The things each of us have gone through since childhood-the struggles and the challenges we have faced-will be different in many ways, yet I'm sure, many things will resonate loudly as well. I must add that every trans person's experience and narrative is uniquely their own. I hope you learn as much as I did:įrom Lisa: I would like to first thank all of you for the interest you have shown and the sensitivity with which you asked questions and made comments in Rachel's initial post. Lisa responded to your questions with thoughtfulness and honesty. She has given sensitivity workshops at Gay Christian Network, companies, high schools, and churches and hopes to do more in the future. Lisa has written her autobiography, Transparently: Behind the Scenes of a Good Life, which is available on Amazon. It would take another ten years before she could come to terms with the diagnosis. Though it offered an explanation for her years of struggle, confusion, and guilt, it did not offer any simple solutions. She says this diagnosis was both a blessing and a curse. After living for 25 years as a devoted husband and father, Lisa was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Lisa was born in Colombia, grew up in California and moved to Vancouver, BC in the early 1970s to start a successful career as a graphic designer and photographer. Last week, as part of our “Ask a.” interview series, I introduced you to Lisa Salazar, a Christian who is transgender.
0 kommentar(er)
